Accountability - Did you cause your trauma?
“Accountability feels like an attack when you’re not ready to acknowledge how your behavior harms others.”
Don’t shoot the messenger, but…
Accountability is a word that I’ve struggled with my entire life. I can’t tell you how often I have avoided accountability for my actions throughout my life. The truth is, I had to go through the darkest times of my life before I sat and thought about “why me?”.
Granted, not every traumatic experience I’ve been subjected to was my fault. I am sure the same goes for you. However, this written piece does not focus on being a trauma victim. Instead, it hyper-focuses on being solely responsible for your trauma. So, if you are ready to talk about it, let’s!
self-re·flec·tion
noun
meditation or serious thought about one’s character, actions, and motives
Self-Reflection
To sit back and think about the hand you played in your downfall is not easy. It may be harder than anything you’ve ever done. Regardless, if you do not self-reflect, you will self-destruct.
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Acknowledging that you have single-handedly caused some of your trauma is not for the weak. You are bound to realize some ugly truths about yourself, so mentally prepare for this stage.
Grab a journal, and jot down your thoughts.
Take your time - do not try to break down every detail in one sitting.
Give yourself grace. Understand that you are not who you once were.
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“Give yourself grace.”
Once you start breaking down the trauma you’ve brought on yourself, it will hurt. You will spend a lot of time wishing you could go back and make different decisions.
Try not to sit in your feelings for too long during this stage. Acknowledge your growth after taking accountability.
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You’ve prepared yourself.
You’ve forgiven yourself.
Now it’s time to work on yourself. Understand that changing for the better is an ongoing commitment. Be mindful of your actions and words daily, and how they may affect others.
I’ll leave you with this…
I did not start taking accountability for my actions and where I am in life until just shy of 2020. Sure, I knew that I had contributed to some of my unhappiness. But the truth is, I still placed blame on other people more than I placed it on myself. It wasn’t until I fought some of my most brutal battles, it wasn’t until I cried for weeks in a row, it wasn’t until I sought therapy that I realized the problem is me (sometimes).
Realizing that I was the problem was a hard pill to swallow. That realization was followed by guilt, regret, and anger. How could I go 10-plus years blaming others for my current reality when I played a crucial role in my downfall? Why did I go so long making excuses for my behaviors and reactions? I did not understand!
“Pay attention to your patterns. How you learned to survive may not be how you want to continue living. Heal and shift. ”
“Heal and Shift”
Causing some of your trauma may be inevitable at some point. Whether you’re following your heart and not logic, because you are afraid of change, or any other reason you can think of - other people are not always to blame for your pain. Take the time to hold yourself accountable, and then focus on healing and shifting towards a better you. I promise you; you won’t regret it. This is a significant key to trusting despite the trauma you’ve endured.
